Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Ideas Man Saves the Government Billions

One thing that conservatives and I share in common is our love of efficiency in the government. This is why I was so chagrined to hear recently that old folks were having so much trouble making sense of the new prescription drug benefit. Well, I’ve been hearing that for a while (I’ve been hearing that since before there was a prescription drug benefit.) But I was chagrined to hear recently that HHS is trotting out a fleet of RV’s to take the show on the road, old folk style. What a waste of money!

Now, while I might disagree with the primary purpose of the prescription drug benefit (to funnel money into the hands of insurance companies and drug companies), I accept that my side has lost that argument through fair (and balanced) public debate. But I have an idea for the Bushies (I actually have a lot of ideas for them, but some of them might get me arrested): Why not go about fulfilling your purpose in a more direct way? Why not simply take money from the elderly and pharmacists (see yesterday’s NY Times) and put it in the big pockets of Big Pharma (we all know how much you enjoy fishing around in those pockets anyway)?

In fact, this idea is a general idea for how to run government under Republicans generally. Think of all the lost money and lives that could be saved through a little efficiency. Rather than wasting lives and looking like idiots in Iraq, we could just appropriate money for Halliburton and Bechtel. Rather than letting flunkies from the Heritage Foundation ruin another country, we could simply write them big fat checks for cutting classes (this would also help keep them from spending all their time taking notes on the “propaganda” their “liberal” professors are spouting.) And idle hands are the devil’s workshops, so I’m sure those little hellions will find plenty to do.

Of course, we’d run into problems when we tried to apply this approach to the privatization of social security, since the amount of money that the Bushies want to funnel into Wall Street simply doesn’t exist. Oh well, we could just give them everything we do have in Social Security (still much more than they claim) and at least not go bankrupt immediately.

Some will object that the sheer, naked greed that I’m advocating would render the idea of a Republican presidency virtual impossible and harm two party politics in America. To them, I have two things to say: 1) You underestimate the ability of Fox News et al. to lie on behalf of the Republican party. As long as Rupert Murdoch lives and breathes, we’ll all have the privilege of listening to O’Reilly bluster on before patiently explaining the benefits of “trickle-down charity,” as my proposal would come to be called. 2) If in fact, such honesty makes it impossible for the Republican party to control the executive branch, then two of my ideas would be accomplished at once. Because I do believe that it should be illegal to have Republicans in anything other than the legislature. But that, my friends, is a different idea.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

There should be a taco shop in Bryn Mawr

There should be a taco shop in Bryn Mawr. I'm not sure that this suggestion needs much more elaboration, but nonetheless, I ought to point out:

1) That tacos are delicious.

2) That many different demographics find tacos to be delicious, including (but not limited to) kids of all ages (youngsters, hipsters and students alike): Bryn Mawr College, Villanova University and Haverford College are all within walking distance of the Main Line and all cost considerable coin. And many of the kids who actually call the Main Line home are also flush with cash.

3) That there is a dearth of taco shops in the Main Line. When I first started agitating for there to be a Taco Shop in Bryn Mawr (in 1998) this was true of the Philadelphia area in general with the exception of a hole in the wall in Norristown. The hole in the wall persists although it has tragically tried to go upscale and destroyed its charm. There are more Mexican restaurants in the city (including a growing number in Philadelphia's historic Italian Market). While this might meet the taco needs of some, I find it difficult to cart my young daughter into the city around mealtime since mealtime is soon followed by bedtime.

4) That, needless to say, I would frequent a decent taco shop in Bryn Mawr.

If you are a kindly taco cook who happens to have stumbled across these ramblings, please consider my humble request. I am lazy and have no culinary skills worth speaking of. You, however, might just hold the keys to my dreams.

Dreaming of Tacos