Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Ideas Man Saves the Government Billions

One thing that conservatives and I share in common is our love of efficiency in the government. This is why I was so chagrined to hear recently that old folks were having so much trouble making sense of the new prescription drug benefit. Well, I’ve been hearing that for a while (I’ve been hearing that since before there was a prescription drug benefit.) But I was chagrined to hear recently that HHS is trotting out a fleet of RV’s to take the show on the road, old folk style. What a waste of money!

Now, while I might disagree with the primary purpose of the prescription drug benefit (to funnel money into the hands of insurance companies and drug companies), I accept that my side has lost that argument through fair (and balanced) public debate. But I have an idea for the Bushies (I actually have a lot of ideas for them, but some of them might get me arrested): Why not go about fulfilling your purpose in a more direct way? Why not simply take money from the elderly and pharmacists (see yesterday’s NY Times) and put it in the big pockets of Big Pharma (we all know how much you enjoy fishing around in those pockets anyway)?

In fact, this idea is a general idea for how to run government under Republicans generally. Think of all the lost money and lives that could be saved through a little efficiency. Rather than wasting lives and looking like idiots in Iraq, we could just appropriate money for Halliburton and Bechtel. Rather than letting flunkies from the Heritage Foundation ruin another country, we could simply write them big fat checks for cutting classes (this would also help keep them from spending all their time taking notes on the “propaganda” their “liberal” professors are spouting.) And idle hands are the devil’s workshops, so I’m sure those little hellions will find plenty to do.

Of course, we’d run into problems when we tried to apply this approach to the privatization of social security, since the amount of money that the Bushies want to funnel into Wall Street simply doesn’t exist. Oh well, we could just give them everything we do have in Social Security (still much more than they claim) and at least not go bankrupt immediately.

Some will object that the sheer, naked greed that I’m advocating would render the idea of a Republican presidency virtual impossible and harm two party politics in America. To them, I have two things to say: 1) You underestimate the ability of Fox News et al. to lie on behalf of the Republican party. As long as Rupert Murdoch lives and breathes, we’ll all have the privilege of listening to O’Reilly bluster on before patiently explaining the benefits of “trickle-down charity,” as my proposal would come to be called. 2) If in fact, such honesty makes it impossible for the Republican party to control the executive branch, then two of my ideas would be accomplished at once. Because I do believe that it should be illegal to have Republicans in anything other than the legislature. But that, my friends, is a different idea.


Kate said...


Also, "Fox News" = oxymoron.

The only REAL news comes from the "faux" news show (but you already knew that).

Heather said...

You shouldn't have posted from you bleu cheese site, cousin Kate, because I didn't know about it, so of course had to get caught up, or at least as caught up as I could in 2 hours without actually doing any work as I should have been, and it made me really depressed. And by the way, I TOTALLY would continue to groom my eyebrows in your situation, regardless of whether I would shower. You must have some decency after all.

Kate said...

Sorry about the depression, Heather. I just hope that it makes people feel better about THEIR lives (by comparison). It's just that I promised myself that my other blog would be relatively "family-friendly" and ONLY about trivial and meaningless babble. I've broken that rule (too many people have died...), but I decided to keep the REAL candor on the "bleu" side. That would explain it being rather a one trick pony.

As for finding the "bleu" site - it's my secret delight that the only people who've found it are those who can handle my foul bullshit - like, shall we say, the "F-bomb." I even have a link from my other blog, but it's pretty buried. Oh - and I inadvertently misspelled part of the URL so it's even harder to find...

Thank you for agreeing with my about my eyebrows. Naturally you have the class it takes to do so.

Votre Cousine FOU,


Kate said...

Oh - and sorry about the work...