Wednesday, May 10, 2006

CORPORATE SPONSOR ON-LINE SWEEPSTAKES EXTRAVAGANZA CONTEST

Ideas Man, Ph.D. is looking for a corporate sponsor. Consequently, I am now announcing our first annual:

CORPORATE SPONSOR ON-LINE SWEEPSTAKES EXTRAVAGANZA CONTEST

To enter, simply post a comment to this entry, explaining why you’d like to sponsor me, what you’ll give me, and what you’d like from me in return.

The Ideal Corporate Sponsor of Ideas Man, Ph.D. will:

1) Like giving me money.

2) Like giving me non-monetary gifts.

3) Like to take responsibility for any tax-obligations I’d have on any non-monetary gifts they provide for me.

4) Have an inability to identify irony.

In return you will get:

1) Exposure on the newest medium, called the Information Super-Highway or “Internet!” This exciting new resource is used by literally billions (probably --- our research budget here is limited). Just think! Any one of these billions could stumble across this blog. (Legal Disclaimer: Ideas Man, Ph.D. makes no warranty that even one of these billions actually will do so. If, however, you are dissatisfied with the number that do, you can simply call my toll free number to be put on hold by customer service representatives who speak English as their third language, have never actually heard of me, and aren’t empowered to do anything to help you. Have fun with that. N.B. The toll free number can be obtained by searching through every tiny corner of my website, writing down every letter you see, calculating its numerical value according to a code that only I know, and then dividing by the amount I pay my customer service reps every month. Here’s a hint to help you calculate that amount: it’s equal to one-third of the monthly interest they owe me for the loan I provided them to help them cover the fee I charge all my employees for the privilege of working for me.)

2) A total willingness to spit back your propaganda. I’ll be such a toady, I’ll make Tucker Carlson look like his own man! And unlike Tucker, my logical fallacies are hard to spot (Legal Disclaimer: Ideas Man, Ph.D. makes no warrant that his fallacies won’t be readily identifiable to the trained chimpanzee. That still will make his fallacies harder to spot than Tucker’s. And I can think of at least 57,000,000 people who will still be fooled).

3) An uncomplicated relationship that need not be governed by any legal niceties. There are no ethical rules that govern discourse in the blogosphere. So we won’t have to go through all the silly measures you take with members of Congress to pretend like they’re not in your pocket. I have no intention of giving you even a nominal fee for any gifts you provide me! (Legal Disclaimer: Actually there is no legal disclaimer. This promise comes with no strings attached).

Hurry now! Contest Ends whenever the comment function is no longer available.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well I am in no way a spokesman for Pacific Guarantee Mortgage, but I AM the bookkeeper, which means I DO have access to a rather large stack of blank checks. Although this might be taken as "stealing", I won't tell if you won't, and PGM will be happy to sponser you!!

Jennette

Ideas Man, Ph.D. said...

I also have acess to a stack of blank checks, but they go to my bank account so they are virtually worthless.

Heather said...

I think both Kirkland Signature-brand Rogaine and TiVo would be proud to sponsor you. Maybe you could work out some sort of joint sponsorship deal that combines the two: TiVo'ing shows on male pattern baldness?